Ms. Lauryn Hill, Alix Earle, and Moses
clout chasers, sign photos, and a transformative year of learning
I wrote half of this from the FIN final this morning. WACCs just get me going.
The school year is coming to a gentle close. I’ll be in New York this summer. Thank G-D. I’ve become religious. Party reporting may return. Stay tuned.
This has been a year of growth, of transformation. My section went from the nerdiest, Type A cohort to the most misbehaved, collectively skipping class for a trip to CDMX. But in proper Section A fashion we dutifully reported: unexcused, trip to Mexico City. Wouldn’t have it any other way.
My mentor, EC Paul Lachman, reflects on his time in Boston:
“The best thing about living in Boston was taking the Acela to New York every weekend.”
The views are really, spectacular.
On the A-List/D-List Celebrities at HBS:
A list of the most random speakers who spoke on campus this year:
Moses the Jeweler, a diamond district influencer who showed up with his posse of 8 iced-out South Brooklyn hypebeasts (I loved it).
Marcello Hernandez, who seemed solely concerned with eating all the Latin Club’s frituritas.
Mayor Bibb of Cleveland, who received several unsolicited phone numbers, not for political reasons. Good looking lad.
Rampa, who smoked a j on the sign.
Juriel, the founder of Gospel. The HBS boys networked hard at this one. Intern season in NY is fast-approaching.
Ms. Lauryn Hill, who decided that a crowd of HBS kids — most of whom have no idea who she is — would be the perfect setting for her first interview in 20 years. We’re a cultured bunch.
After posting yet another black and white moody celebrity shot on my Instagram story, one of my OG reply guys goes: so is HBS just one big meet and greet? Yes, king, yes it is.
On Ms. Lauryn Hill
The first thing out her mouth is ‘right on time’ is crazy.
(After initially declining, she decided to come that night, 3 hours after the intended start. Got ready in an Aldrich bathroom for an hour. Began the talk at 9pm. Frankly, I’m surprised it started that early.)
I think the Lauryn Hill event was an HBS conspiracy to prevent Black Baker scholars.
120 people showing up to Lauryn Hill with at least 60% not being able to name a song of hers. Then again, can we really expect more from people who show up to class without having read the case 90% of the time? ChatGPT her?
After Alix Earle showed up they brought us Lauryn Hill as reparations.
And some sage VC advice from Jon of Ghetto Gastro…perhaps incorporate in TEM tomorrow.
If you’re not a white dude, make sure you have product-market fit before you take any money.
On Alix Earle
I suddenly had a flood of HBS guys in my dms, asking to hang out, but only on April 15th. They ended up trailing behind me as I took photos of Alix Earle next to the sign.
200 people showed up for Alix Earle and 15 for Strauss Zelnick. Our priorities are clear.
Reza requested Bryan Johnson. He got Alix Earle instead. Same thing.
On the HBS Sign
I love loitering around the sign. You’ll either meet a pack of very aggressive Swedes or really horny twice divorced exec eds.
On the Americans and the Internationals
I need to diversify my friendship pool to include Americans in case ICE comes after my friends.
It seems the general sentiment among my American classmates is that the country’s best days are fargone and that the only innovation is protein-filled oreos.
An international student at Wet Hot RC Summer:
I’ve always fantasized about the American college experience. I’ll happily go back home now.
On Dating
Boston is where female orgasms go to die
Sometimes the universe drops you a Hinge date that is the exact subject matter expert you need at that time
The EC send-off party felt less like a goodbye and more of an RC last-chance-dance where guys finally had the courage to hit on their yacht week crushes.
Cue firesale dating.
And on next year’s agenda, from a certain section president:
I am your new chief athletic rep so yes I will be running the section Olympics and asking the ~ single ~ male RCs to step forward and line up by height #firstdibs.
I’ll also be implementing a section-wide year-long competetive tournament called Ten Sections One Cup.
On BGIE
I am working hard to match my BGIE professor’s 10 zyn/hour rate for Thursday’s final.
BGIE has taught me that HBS shipping out 900 chatgpt-dependent students every year significantly lowers the value of US exports.
I feel so scammed they never taught this shit explicitly. All I got were quotes from the Dark Knight Rises.
Quotes I Wrote Down This Year
“Enron your sector” — some random tan Hollywood exec
“Just get really hot” — Bill Ackman, paraphrased, when speaking on sugar
“Models and bottles killed the nightclub” — the random man who interviewed Lauryn Hill
Don’t fret about tomorrow’s TEM exam. Here is a sample response from last year:
An unlikely but impactful consideration is whether the founders need large amounts of cash in the short-term, perhaps to settle gambling debts or pay ransom for the kidnapping of a family member.
Mirror Selfies
And of course, a year well done in mirror selfies. I started wearing LBDs. Started eating protein bars. Love DAVID. I became beautifully Boston boring.
Thank you to all my contributors. See you in New York soon.
Love,
Nikole