Van Cleef Socialism, Turkey Drop, and Bingo Boards

+ a semester well spent in mirror selfies

It’s been a while. So long that you may not even remember who I am or why I’m in your inbox. Apologies.

Much to cover. Much to discuss. And nothing much at all. My parents asked me what I learned at business school this semester. How to make a solid bingo board and send an outlook invite within a second of a plan being floated. I was once a prolific club rat. Look at me now. How far we’ve come.

Wrap: Turkey drop follows an s-curve of its own; Holidazzle was a glitzy Bar Mitzvah; bingo boards are the bedrock of HBS; internationals have America kinks; Harvard-Yale was but another search for the fountain of youth — at undergrad parties; the Continuum shooter unleashed pent up horniness during finals; and now we will endeavor on our various treks — Japan, Patagonia, consulting. I’ve come back to New York.

On Van Cleef Socialism —

Joe Schwarzmann, my brilliant sectionmate, and author of one of the best quotes of the year…

Lord of the flies meets the Stanford Prison Experiment meets a group of 28-year-olds too afraid to have sex with each other for fear they will need each other in 20 years time.

...recently coined the term Van Cleef Socialism.

Upon reflecting, can money buy taste? Certainly not. But it can buy Van Cleef socialism. Money, here, is our great equalizer.

On bingo boards —

Bingo boards are the only frameworks we’ve truly mastered this semester. Section bingo, dinners, Holidazzle, and Section S brought a range — wholesome to homewrecking. We lack interest in making conversation so we lick each other’s elbows. We lack substance, so we ask…fuck, marry, kill?

Highlights include:

• Pitch a female condom start-up

• Kiss Malek’s shirt

• Introduce your class guest as a Hinge date you met last night

• Eat 10 hot dogs on a first date and get a second date

• Go on a date with Malek

• Ask a guy if he’s a Viagra or Cialis guy

• Bring an abacus to class and use it in your comment

On internationals’ America kink —

At House of America, internationals keenly enjoyed plastering American flag tattoos across their bodies. Did a certain Lebanese man enjoy the American stars strung across my abdomen? Yes, avec plaisir!

Internationals benefit greatly from relaxed Amercian dating standards. Splitting the bill, coffee over dinner, midnight dms over hand-written letters…what’s not to love about America?

One such international bachelor reflected on how good he has it here, relative to his American counterparts. American girls love my refined manners — after I praised him for holding the door open for me.

On Holidazzle —

Holidazzle felt like a really lavish Bar Mitzvah.

1,000 young adults funneled up past Fogo de Chão into the liminal space of the Westin, then into a coat check with no racks, and into a winter wonderland of corporate America’s wildest imagination.

That DJ was basically the same as Hugo Lieber, if he had no arms.

On the Continuum shooter —

The procession coming out of Continuum was like Noah’s Ark, but it was Goyards coming out 2x2 instead.

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take — regarding an opportunity to host a girl from Continuum.

How many Continuum girls spent their first night in the dorms last night? — a guy in Spangler dining hall.

Other holiday thoughts and happenings…

Large group dinners are the most complicated, high-stakes games of musical chairs, where adults vie for prime seating in a who’s who game of HBS.

Sections are like horoscopes, you have them forever, you only know your own and everyone thinks theirs is the best — a section president.

Bagels taste better with 6x leverage — on the investment opportunity presented by Absolute Bagel’s closure.

Having a section crush is like recruiting, you can try to be secretive but everyone knows who you’re talking to, and there’s probably more competiton than you’re expecting. They say if you don love your job you won’t work a day in your life so shoot your shot.

Don’t let my cynicism fool you — I’m scrolling through Instagram semester recaps beaming ear to ear, thankful for the friends I’ve made and even more thankful for the ones who contribute to this substack.

A semester well spent in mirror selfies

I’ll be in New York from today till January 17th.

Here’s what I’m going to this week (maybe):

• Tonight is the last Paul’s Dolls of 2024!

• So is the last Paul’s Baby Disco with Orson of 2024!

• Tomorrow, A Very Tense Christmas takes place with readings, santa, sexy elves, and a performance of William S. Burroughs’ “The Junky’s Christmas” by Nico Walker and Beckett Rosset.

• ‘Tis the season for a Weinberger Happening! Early this Friday evening at Baby’s, my favorite boy band, Savoia, will be performing, along with Noah Berghammer, Boyfriend Network, Luke Rathborne, Ludwig, and many more talented folks. Basha will be dancing, there will be readings, special performances, and a DJ set. Do not miss!

• Lucy is tuning 21! And yet has more experience at NYC clubs than HBS combined. My muse will be celebrating at Bowery Electric. Hot hosts include the lady of the hour, Dirty Mag, Valley Latini, and many more. Wenchh, Olivia Jones, Fast Divorse, and more are djing. And there will be at least 5 photographers taking pictures of Lucy at any given time.

• Beautiful Faces presents a very beautiful holiday with Las Flquitas, Godspeed, Mohogany, Jordy Spice, and Destinee in Williamsburg.

• Justin Strauss and Bella de Leon are playing at Jean’s Saturday night.

• Perfectly Imperfect is hosting a live performance and record release party for Paul Grimstad and Talia Ryder’s Evening Mirror in the East Village.

On a professional note, if you are building a company, let me know. I don’t care about the category, long as the idea is good.

Love,

Nikole